Things that Give me Nightmares, Vol. 3
[Previously on THINGS THAT GIVE ME NIGHTMARES: Giant Disembodied Fashion Monster Legs at Southgate)
On Saturday, Samsonow and I were invited to be a part of the Unknown Studio podcast. It was lots of fun and left me in an excellent mood, which made it all the more distressing to arrive home and see this nightmare wagon parked in front of the house:
AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Clearly, I thought, this can only mean one thing: the juggalos have finally come for me.
But I don't wanna be a juggalo 4 life...?
And so I stayed up all night, waiting to have my door kicked in and to be dragged off to juggalopalooza, or juggalocamp, or whatever they call their AGMs. Just me and my boyz hitting the road (and by hitting the road, I mean abducting me and throwing me in the back of the R van with a bag over my head to weep in terror as Insane Clown Posse plays at top volume).
Anyway, this didn’t transpire. Instead, I watched Superbad twice in a row on Showcase, and then passed out around 6 a.m., eventually waking safe on the couch to chirping birds and an episode of the 700 Club. When I peeked outside, the nightmare van was gone. The juggalos had moved on, and I had lived to see another day.
Except that I came home today and saw this:
The juggalos have assigned parking?!!
…THE JUGGALOS HAVE ASSIGNED PARKING?!
…THE JUGGALOS HAVE ASSIGNED PARKING!!
Oh God, get out of the house! GET OUT OF THE H…
***a loud thump. the line goes quiet. in the background, the faint sound of ICP’s ‘Hall of Illusions’ can be heard.***
END SCENE.
6 Responses to “Things that Give me Nightmares, Vol. 3”
Thanks for the laugh on a day when I really need one.
Just the word juggalo is enough to make me laugh. I haven’t noticed any juggalo surveillance in my neighbourhood, but if I do, I will let you know.
I think they might cluster around WalMarts or dollar stores, locations where cheap makeup can either be purchased legally or simply shoplifted.
Take the juggalo quiz. Are you a juggalo? I got 50%, so I passed.
http://www.quizmoz.com/quizzes/Miscellaneous-Quizzes/a/Are-you-a-true-juggalo-Quiz.asp
I only got 4 questions right, for a score of 29%.
It appears I am not a juggalo.
I also got a score of 29%. Great minds paint-their-faces-get-really-drunk-attend-the-Dark-Carnival-and-hate-racial-minorities alike…?
i also got 29%. this means two things:
1)this quiz appears to be inherently flawed.
2)if we start a juggalo posse, alain gets to be in charge.
I also just learned that lady Juggalos are known as Juggalettes.
There’s a lot of rich culture there.
This is the finest thing I have ever read on this site. Hands down.
And that includes the amazing things I’ve written.
By the way, I’m 14% juggalo. Thug lyfe?