Like “Cheers.” But with guns.

This party is now cancelled.

By Janine Edwards

So, the City of Edmonton and the Public Safety Compliance Team are closing the Gingur Sky Lounge for two weeks. First of all, who is this “Public Safety Compliance Team” and why did they never find out what happened to the three-pawed bear menace that was stalking children in downtown Edmonton?

The second thing…  why does the PSCT want to shut it down? This bunch of professional party poopers think that Gingur Sky is dangerous. Really? Just because there’s been a string of violent incidents at a nightclub… you think it’s dangerous? Wow, you guys don’t know how to party.

Okay, so there are fights, and shootings, and stabbings… but have you BEEN to Gingur Sky? The bar is filled with wanna-be thugs.  I don’t think closing down Gingur Sky is the answer. Oh no. In fact, I think it’s the OPPOSITE of the answer.

Let’s keep the bar open. It’s in a shady, uninhabited part of Edmonton, right? So keep the nightclub around – and start using the violence as a selling point! Let’s make this bar into a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah.  Anything can happen at Gingur Sky! Bring your weapons – bring your drug money… Settle your scores on Saturday nights at Gingur Sky!

This benefits three main groups:

1. The Police. Is it the weekend? Then you know that shit is going down at the club tonight! You know that come 2a.m., you need to get down there and bust someone for dealing, weapons charges, or a shooting.  The Police should build a station nearby for just such an occasion.
2. Journalists. Forget chasing that stupid peahen! Instead, you know that something is going to happen at Gingur Sky. Infiltrate the scene. Meet the locals. Stand with your camera crew across the street – ready to strike. The news will pretty much write itself.
3. The Public! That’s right… you, yourself will benefit.  You’ll know which bar to avoid, and hopefully, the bad guys will start taking each other out. The ones left standing will be arrested by police, and the cycle will continue until Edmonton is pretty much crime free.  Chief Boyd should run on this platform. Wait – do they even run? Maybe he can run against Mandel.

Keeping Gingur Sky open is a benefit to EVERYONE. It will make our city streets safer, and give the criminals a place to call their own. Until they’re sent to jail.

Or, they’ll all team up and become Super Villians. But I think you need a doctorate for that.