The Case for the Spaceport (Part 1 of 2)

By Colin MacIntyre

Edmonton, we have a problem.

It is a problem that has plagued this fair city for decades. Generations upon generations of Edmontonians have struggled with it, fought with it, and succumbed to it. It is a problem that causes us endless hours of debate, squabbling, fist-shaking, scoffing and coffee slamming. It is a problem that costs taxpayers millions of dollars, year after year, and if left unsolved will continue to cost all of you, your children, your children’s children, and their children’s children’s cyborg iChildren until the end of time; or when Edmonton is swallowed by the giant Megalopolis of ‘SpruceAlbertWooduc”.

Edmonton’s problem is this: we have an identity problem.

We don’t know what our city is, and we are often in great conflict to settle on a single, solitary identity. That one idea, that one “thing” that we, as Edmontonians can hang our touque on. Other cities have it.

Calgary has an identity; people all over the world know Saddletown as “The Gateway to the Rockies,” a city of Commerce and Cowboy hats! Vancouver has an identity; it’s Canada’s West Coast Metropolis! You can ski and surf in one day, while never being more than 20 feet from a shop that will sell you a $9 cup of coffee.

No friends, Edmonton doesn’t have one. Not a Single Identity. We are awash with sub-identities, and as much as people try to pin one down, we can quickly take their sub-identity, crumple it up, and put into one of those weird cigarette tubes that you see downtown.

For example:

“Edmonton is Alberta’s Capital! A Government City!” This is true. However, despite being the hub of provincial government, the ruling class is often dominated by Calgoonians, who, when they AREN’T dominating said government, get all cranky and start new political parties ( see Alliance, Wild Rose and Party, Reform), and proceed to badger their way into the halls of power.

“Edmonton is a business hub!  A Centre of Industrial Commerce! Look at all the wonderful refineries and industrial activity“. Again, true. Except those job sites and work yards more often than not have their head offices where? Yup, you guessed it: Calgary. Blugh.

“Edmonton is a Gateway! A Gateway to the North!” Of course, when most people hear this they are a) shocked that there is actually more north beyond Edmonton and b) wonder why anyone would want to go further north anyway (WE LOVE YOU HIGH RIVER LEVEL).

“Edmonton is the City of Champions!” Um…NEXT!!!

Of course, our city government recognizes this problem, and more often or not, do what most democratically elected governments do. They waste taxpayer dollars squabbling over how best to fix the problem, without actually fixing the problem, until a new group is elected to do precise amounts of squabbling and taxdollar wasting. The botched highway pyramids and the re-branding to ‘Capital Ex’ are some nice examples of this.

Okay, so maybe the politicos didn’t change the name of K-Days, BUT I’ll bet most of you still call it K-Days!

What we need Edmonton, is an idea. An idea so big it will capture the imagination of every man woman and child from Mill Woods to the Garrison. An idea so vast it will not only put Edmonton on the map, but will cause map makers to make extra maps on how to get to Edmonton from all points on the globe. An Idea so fantastically incredible, it will change the way the world looks at our city, and how we look at ourselves.

Edmonton;

we need a Spaceport.

To be continued next week in “Spacevision Edmonton!”

Colin MacIntyre has a PhD in “Unpractical Problem Solving.” You can listen to him babble about other stuff on CJSR’s “Makin Whoopee” Tuesday mornings from 7am to 9am on CJSR 88.5 FM, or via the podcast at www.makinwhoopee.ca. You can also follow him at your own peril on Twitter.