As you can see from the cellphone video above, I had to stay on the main level of the movie theatre. Why? Why wouldn’t I venture up toward the IMAX level and get right up in that scaly beast’s fiery nostrils?

James Cameron. That’s why.

You people helped ruin a little girl's day.

You see, up there is where Avatar is showing forever. And people, two months in, were still lining up an hour+ before showtime. Because of that, the staff at the theatre wouldn’t let anybody upstairs. I guess they were afraid I brought my 3D glasses from home.

You know, they could have just put a staff member in front of the theatre door.

They should have, because a little girl and her mom tried to get a closer to the dragon. No dice, said the 15-year-old keeper of the velvet rope.

James Cameron may never have slayed a dragon (outside of CGI) but he slayed that child’s chances at seeing something pretty cool, up close.

Thank goodness Nicolas Sparks has what it takes to slay the monster that is Avatar. Children of the world will soon be able to get close enough to our dragon that their eyebrows may be singed, just a little.

(Photo: CoE)

Just like Law and Order this is ripped from the headlines. The headlines being the City of Edmonton’s news feed.

Hey, it’s Christmas time and that means the kids will be asking you for all the latest doo-dads and whats-its. It also means they are home for the holiday break.

Thankfully, the City of Edmonton is letting kids enjoy their facilities for free. Though I’m sure that does not mean dropping them off to have city staff take care of them. That would be taking advantage of their kindness.

Anyway, the details are like this: from December 21 (today!) to January 3, 2010, children 12 and under pay nothing for admission to ANY City of Edmonton leisure, sports and fitness facility. Sounds like a pretty good deal to this guy.

You probably want some options don’t you? Head to this website for just such a thing.

And now, Vol. 2:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Life is short. That is, until you’re in the middle of like a breakup, or a hospital stay, or a career change (with me it’s the latter), then it seems g.d. ENDLESS.  People, I can only spend so many hours dodging thoughts of how I plan to fill the next 35 years of my working life with TV and spying on my neighbours; eventually I have to put on my marshmallow pants and leave the house – which I did last week, with an impromptu trip to Southgate.

Now, had I known they existed, these giant shoes probably wouldn’t have had the impact they did on me.  But I came across them cold.  They just sort of appeared on the horizon as my bus approached Southgate Mall, and brought with them an icy moment of pure existential terror, kind of like how I felt watching the Cell for the first time.  Or how I feel when I see wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men.  WTF am I seeing?! Is everything giant or am I shrinking? Time’s moving so slowly, I think I’m dead. Seriously, though, I haven’t seen footwear that big since John Travolta’s boots in Battlefield Earth (Travolta-ZING!).

Anyway, I don’t know how I missed out on the run-up to the giant shoes, given our exhaustive coverage of the Grand Re-opening of Southgate Mall back on August 5,  but I did. I subsequently googled “giant shoes southgate” and learned that the shoes (as everyone but me probably knows) are the handiwork of a pair of Red Deer artists.  You can read the great Paula Simons’ coverage of the shoes here.

If you get lost, I hear there's a Tim Hortons in the Tim Hortons part of the maze.

I noticed, today, that corn on the cob is starting to play a significant role in the weekly grocery flyers. Mostly, that just made me think about eating delicious, buttery, salty, corn. But then I noticed the Edmonton Corn Maze is on Twitter.

And they’re open.

Co-owner Dan Horneman says they try to tie the design  of the maze into something happening in the Edmonton area. Hence we see the Roar of the Rings theme.

Dan says it “takes about an hour to two hours to get through.” But don’t worry, there are people inside the maze to help steer you in the right direction.

It takes more than an hour or two for the maze to be built though. Horneman says planning of the design starts when the corn is planted. Then, once the corn is harvested, the routes can be cut through the maze.

Don’t be discouraged if you venture into the maze and can’t seem to find daylight. “Everybody gets lost,” Dan says. “It just depends how long you’re lost.”

While weather can affect “not just growing the corn, but also attendance,” he thinks they’ll see their average 10,000 people get lost in the corn this summer and fall. School and church groups usually start heading out in September.

Even though it means the weather will soon (but not too soon!) turn cooler, isn’t it nice to have something fun to talk about? Now, get lost.

Will you follow this man into hilarious and through-provoking battle?

It’s time to FRINGE!

If you know what that means, you’re already super-psyched.

If you have no idea, or just vague inclinations about what that could mean, you should hit up the Fringe Theatre Adventures website. They’re the people that run the Edmonton International Fringe Theatre Festival. They’ll even help out first-time fringers with explanations of how things work. (Wouldn’t it be great if more things laid it out like this?)

This year the fringe turns 28, and the theme is “Stage a Revolution.” (I actually kind of like just waiting to see what the theme will be each summer.)

You can buy tickets online. And man, are there choices! But isn’t part of the fun just throwing caution to the wind and choosing to see whatever is next, whatever is closest or whatever has the funniest name?

I’m aiming to catch Letters to Noce, because I failed to get off my lazy butt and see it during NextFest. I’ll also be sure to hit the beer tent at least once. And with other busking and fun happening for free, you don’t even have to see a bunch of shows to have a good time.

I’m also aiming to get disgruntled, at least once, with how many people have invaded my neighbourhood…but I digress.

FRINGE!