A Look Back: Noooooo! (gregg)
How necessary was it to have Darth Vader yell “Noooooo!” when he thows the emperor down some random bottomless pit in Return of the Jedi? Did George Lucas worry the audience might not understand Vader experienced a poignant revelation watching his son, Luke, get tortured by Palpatine’s finger lasers? We need an auditory clue because the scene’s inherent tension and emotion didn’t spell it out enough for us? I mean, come on, George!
Look, George, the special editions really don’t bother me that much. Cleaner special effects and cool rings around explosions get me clapping like a seal turning tricks for fish, but when you change fundamental moments in a classic film, that is just irritating! It’s bad enough we have to watch Greedo shoot first, ruining an age old sci-fi debate for nerds (while also making Han Solo less cool), but now, if we want a hi-def version of the original trilogy in our collection, we have to listen to the same cringe worthy dialogue James Earl Jones was forced to utter in Revenge of the Sith? Fuck you, buddy!
Anyway, that’s all I’ve got to say to you, Lucas, your antics are distracting me. I’m supposed to be talking to the edmontonian’s audience. What’s up guys? Anything new?
…the edmontonian is ending?
It feels like such a short time ago I wrote the first of my many rants for the edmontonian. When I looked into the archives I was shocked to find that my first contribution came way back in September of 2009. That’s like a million years ago…or two years ago, depending on your understanding of math.
Jeff once told me I have a gift for making things that shouldn’t be controversial, controversial. I’ve made a habit of drawing ire writing about nuclear power, speed limits, the downtown arena and, of course, that first 2009 article extolling my love for the city centre movie theater. That piece somehow got me called me judgmental and pretentious!
I’ve really enjoyed my time contributing to Jeff and Sally’s collaborative local project. the edmontonian gave a voice to the everyday shlub and his angry keyboard, a chance to factor into a larger discussion about his city, province and country.
Unless you go after SEE Magazine. You’re not allowed to do that.
I am truly grateful to have been a part of the edmontonian, and to count Jeff and Sally as friends. They are two of the most supportive people I have ever met; I swear if I told Sally I was running for President of Canada she’d say “Yeah, man, you could totally be president!”
So as I begin my campaign to become supreme chancellor of Canada, I bid the readers of the edmontonian a fond farewell. Thanks for reading.
Gregg Beever isn’t done with the Edmonton Internet. You can find him over at web comic Inglorious Hipsters, Tweeting about stuff, guesting on podcasts, and he even has his own blog.
Couches of Edmonton
Yes, there are probably a billion more important things to be talking about. But I’m doing a photo post.
In the parking lot? Sure! (Photo: Brittney Le Blanc)
More couches, in more places, after the jump.
August Movies: You Sunk My Beevership
By Gregg Beever
I’m back, baby! Before I get started, how about a big round of applause for Mr. Jay Runham who filled in brilliantly for me last month.
Are you done clapping yet?
Okay, good.
So, has everyone watched the Battleship trailer? Somehow I missed Liam Neeson being cast as Admiral E5. Did he lose a bet? Maybe he’s having a “Who can be in the shittiest alien invasion flick?” competition with Aaron Eckhart.
That brings us to the $200 million dollar question (yes, that is the budget), what does the board game, Battleship, have to do with aliens? What the frack is the tie-in there? Wait. Aliens are nebulously destroying battleships from the heavens, just like players of the board game. Right? Is director Peter Berg trying to say that we are the true aliens?
I don’t get it.
All I know is when I’m watching this film in the theater and Liam Neeson utters the line “You sunk my battleship.” I’m going to stand up and slow clap.
But Battleship doesn’t premiere until May of next year and we’re concerned with movies coming out now. What can we look forward to in the month of August with Thor, Transformers, Captain America, Harry Potter and the end of Jim Carrey’s career passing us by?
Inglorious Hipsters
In the fine tradition of things we cover L-O-N-G after everyone else (tomorrow’s top story: “Texting! Fad or here to stay?“), here is our feature on the dynamic duo of Gregg Beever and Jeremy Die, creators of web comic Inglorious Hipsters (IH).
(Make the jump for the video.) (more…)
H, I, J n’ J
Friend of the website (and sometimes movie-reviewer) Jay Runham has teamed up with another J – Jordan Blackburn – to talk movies in your earbuds.
The second episode of Jay n’ J. is out now, with guest Paul Matwychuk. Paul is an Edmonton movie-genius, who you may know from his work on CBC Radio and the DVD Afternoon podcast he does with The Videodrome’s Heather Noel. (Side note on Paul: You want this guy on your trivia team.)
(Side note on the second episode: Metro Cinema is settling into its new home at the Garneau Theatre, and will begin showing movies at the end of the first week in August.)
The first episode of Jay n’ J. featured another friend of the website, and movie-guy, Gregg Beever.
The podcast (so far) focuses on one movie – Super 8 and Harry Potter in episodes 1 and 2. And the hosts jump into conversations that make sense for their guests, which will likely lead to a diverse entertainment podcast. Basically, the Js are two for two on guests, and are going to add to the great movie discussions happening online and in podcasts in Edmonton.
Arena Rant
By Gregg Beever
Over the past 24 hours I’ve had to listen to some ridiculous arguments against the proposed arena district. I understand when public money is involved there is bound to be rather strong viewpoints for or against, and I believe there are valid arguments to be made on either side.
For those who are compiling thoughtful, cogent arguments based on fact and logic, I applaud you. However, if you have made one of the following cases against the arena, give your head a shake! (more…)
Bridesmaids
By Gregg Beever
“Chick flicks don’t have to suck,” the poster for Bridemaids loudly states. Sounds like good news for boyfriends and husbands the world over who have suffered through Maid in Manhattan, The Wedding Planner, or whatever else Jennifer Lopez has been in. A chick flick with an abundance of dick jokes? Yes, please. That’s something we can get on board with.
Bridesmaids is very much a comedy for women, by women. Writer and lead actress Kristen Wiig has recruited a female comedic ensemble, including Maya Rudolph, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Ellie Kemper, and Jackie Q herself, Rose Byrne, to fill out all the major characters. In fact, there is only one notable male role in Officer Rhodes, played hilariously by Chris O’Dowd as Wiig’s love interest.
Yes, Jon Hamm is also here, being stupidly handsome as usual, but his role is quite minimal.
The result of this heavily feminine cast is a dirty, yet charming, comedy about friendship, love, redemption, and the methods in which men ask for oral sex. Most importantly, Bridesmaids is funny and willing to travel where few chick flicks are willing to go, featuring a very epic collection of poop jokes in the second act.
Wiig still relies on some played out movie tropes. Spoiler alert; the bride goes missing on her wedding day. Bet you didn’t see that coming. Oh, and Wiig’s character, Annie, has a good thing going with Officer Rhodes but, wouldn’t you know it, she screws it up and has to win him back.
To Wiig’s credit, both of these tired plot points are written well. Wiig has Rhodes essentially tell Annie to fuck off and is legitimately difficult to win over, setting up some genuine tension for the film’s climax.
I’m a big Kristen Wiig fan, and I maintain that MacGruber was hilariously awesome. After a successful opening weekend, I hope Bridesmaids means more big gigs and continued success for her.
So, even if you are a dude, go check out Bridesmaids. You won’t be disappointed.
Thorsday
By Gregg Beever
I thought I might try giving some feedback on all these movies I’ve been talking about for the last year, particularly since it is blockbuster season. Unfortunately I picked a very difficult movie to start with in Thor. (more…)
Let the Blockbusters Begin!
You'll have to read ahead to see what Gregg thinks of, what is essentially, his namesake movie.
By Gregg Beever
We’ve suffered through the Yogi Bears and Hops; been disappointed by Battles Los Angeles and the Sucker Punches; completely mystified by yet another Big Momma sequel; but finally our long winter of suffering will come to an end. Rejoice, fellow moviegoers, for it is blockbuster season!
But before I get to all the sweet movies hitting theatres this month, let’s you and I jump into the ole’ WABAC machine with Mr. Peabody and travel back to November 2010. It was a time of wide-eyed anticipation for a sequel to cult classic TRON: Legacy. (more…)
The Skinny on Gregg
By Gregg Beever
Over the last few weeks the conversation amongst my friends and co-workers has often landed on weight loss. I’m not particularly certain why this seems to be such a hot topic, perhaps the onset of spring brings the realization we can no longer conveniently hide our love handles under thick, warm sweaters and coats.
I have a few friends actively attempting to lose weight, some are finding success. Others …well…they are struggling.
Where most of us fail at losing weight is having the discipline to commit to it; because losing weight sucks. While there are plenty of diet plans out there in the ether that suggest otherwise, the reality is that trimming the fat is not easy, not fun, and there is no getting around it.
Six years ago I carried about 35 more pounds of girth than I do today. I love food. More specifically, I love junk food. (more…)
March Movies, or Gregg is a super film-genius
By Gregg Beever
If you’ll check last week’s episode of The Unknown Studio you’ll hear me successfully predict this year’s best pictures winner as The King’s Speech; without seeing the film, even! It takes a hefty set of balls to choose the heavy favourite; I have those balls…and they are hefty.
While talking to Adam and Scott, I also predicted the Oscars to be wildly boring and unfunny. 100% correct there. As the major body which judges the quality of show biz talent, cannot the Academy find writers who can craft a funny joke? About the funniest bit was Kirk Douglas’ turn at presenting an award, but I suspect his best jokes were unscripted, and thus unintentional.
I flipped back and forth between the Oilers game and the Oscars, each becoming a larger and larger source of irritation. With the Oilers down (again) and Anne Hathaway about to sing, I wondered briefly if bludgeoning myself with the empty dinner plate laying on my coffee table might provide adequate relief. (more…)
Beever vs. Bieber (and other February movies to avoid)
By Gregg Beever
With films like Just Go with It, I Am Number Four, and something called Gnomeo & Juliet – about…umm…gnomes, I guess – it may be wise to stay away from the theaters entirely this month. Use this lull to walk over to the Movie Studio and rent a few of those films you were too lazy to drive to the theatre for last year.
Personally, I’ll be using the time to catch up on movies I missed like The Last Exorcism, Catfish and Monsters, which I’ve been waiting to see since it began its film festival run last year.
But it hasn’t been all dullsville in Hollywood recently. The big news in January was the casting of Clark Kent in Zach Snyder’s Superman reboot. Henry Cavill of Showtime’s The Tudors will be donning the red cape to leap over tall Metropolis buildings in a single bound.
I know so little about The Tudors I thought it was a Canadian production from the CBC. I don’t watch a lot of cable, but when I do it’s usually a hockey game, and the CBC flogs The Tudors on Hockey Night in Canada like it’s the only show they’ve got.
I should have realized as soon as Cavill was cast as Superman that The Tudors was not Canadian. Canadian television generally won’t garner an actor the kind of exposure needed to be cast as a Superman. It might get you on as a presenter at the Junos, or maybe star in one of those Canadian heritage commercials.
Those heritage commercials could use a lot less facts and a whole lot more robots and/or ninjas.
In news closer to home, it seems Zach Snyder may be bringing his production to Alberta. The Edmonton Journal reports a $200-million budget film, suspected to be Superman, will shoot scenes in Alberta. My guess is Alberta would play the roll of Smallville. May I suggest to Mr. Snyder my home town of Vegreville? No town can get smaller than Vegreville.
Last month’s Sundance Film Festival saw the premiere of Kevin Smith’s Red State, but it was another film horror film, Silent House, that peaked my interest. The entire film is shot in one continuous take (supposedly, but actually probably not), which is an extremely challenging and interesting way to shoot a scary movie.
Silent House also stars one Elizabeth Olsen, younger sister to Mary-Kate and Ashley. I had no idea there was a younger Olsen, yet I find myself routing for Elizabeth, hoping she possesses the raw talent and skill to be a success. I’m unsure why, exactly. Maybe because the twins are such a talentless mess it would be nice to see someone from that family contribute to pop-culture in a positive way.
I’m sure that won’t happen, of course. No, I suspect lil’ Lizzy Olsen will be flashing her vajay-jay for some lucky paparazzi in due course.
That about wraps it up for this month folks, pretty sad-sack collection new releases this month; unless you were really looking forward to Justin Bieber: Never Say Never.
It’s true, you should never say never; unless you are saying “I will never see Never Say Never.” Then you can say never.
December Movies
By Gregg Beever
Fresh off a bitter defeat at the hands of Adam Rozenhart, your lovable movie critic, and his moustache, are back to deliver the rundown, the skinny, the inside scoop, some other metaphor for preview, on what to watch in December. This month features the latest project from the brothers Coen, Jonhny Depp teaming with the poor British accent of Angelina Jolie, and a movie that surely has Tron Guy performing big cosplay cartwheels.
But first let’s take a look back at movie news in November. (more…)
It’s a Stache-off!
It's Moustache vs. Moustache for your votes!
Before this year’s Movember festivities began I had never worn a moustache longer than a day, and only as a gag. When I first shaved at the start of November, my eyes filled with dread as I looked at the comically foreign face staring back in the mirror.
I’m going to look like this for a gods damn month?
But a strange thing happened in the weeks that followed, my moustache started receiving compliments. Real and genuine compliments from complete strangers.
It seemed Movember had turned the public’s ironic love of moustaches for into an honest appreciation for the art. I began to wonder if the ‘stache suited me; maybe my lip rug had fashionable merit? I flirted with the idea of keeping the cookie duster beyond Movember.
That is, until this week, when my moustache’s girth turned problematic. The month-old ‘stache became a prickly nuisance, curling into my lips and mouth. It also managed to soak up and retain any liquid I attempted to drink like a sponge. But the last straw came last night when I discovered my moustache had caught a booger and left it dangling in plain sight for hours; causing me to misinterpret why the cute girl at the grocery store was checking me out.
However, before my moustache meets its end, there is some business to attend to. Loyal edmontonian readers will recall a challenge I presented to Mr. Adam Rozenhart, a bitter duel of moustaches and a fight for Mo’supremacy. A Stache-Off, if you will.
What’s at stake? A $50 Movember donation to the winner (me) from the loser (Adam).
The Movember Stache-Off victor (surely me) will be determined by you (you) the reader! Place your vote in the comments below and help us decide who has the richer, fuller, most badass moustache in E-town!
But before you vote, I’d like to take a second to thank everyone who spared a few dollars to The Burt Reynolds Express, our team managed to raise $800 this Movember! Even more stunning, Adam reached his goal and pulled down $1000 in donations all on his own!
Thanks to everyone, whoever you donated to. Now get voting (for Gregg)!
One week ’til shaving
Movember isn’t done yet!
There’s one week left to see gaggles of guys with terrible moustaches. Just one, more, week…
Oh, and that means one more week to donate to prostate cancer research.
Let’s check in on the The Burt Reynolds Express. That’s Gregg’s team. (more…)
Gregg vs. Sally: UNSTOPPABLE!
Nobody knows movies like Gregg and Sally. Alright, they mostly see movies that most would consider bad, or watch movies they know they won’t like just for the post-viewing laughs.
But after seeing the trailer for Unstoppable this summer, the duo knew they would have to see a movie that included people shooting at a speeding train in an attempt to stop it.
Will the bullets stop the train? Will Gregg and Sally actually see a movie they like? Only one way to find out.
Denzel and Captain Kirk, meet Facebook chat. (more…)
Remember, remember the movies of November
By Gregg Beever and Gregg’s moustache
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Hi, I’m Gregg’s moustache.
Normally you’d find me riding shotgun with his beard but this month, Movember, as you’ll hear it called, is my month to shine.
I’m finally rid of that face-hogging beard and get to show off my talents. One of those such talents is introducing Gregg’s November movie previews. I see a lot of movies with Gregg, so I think I’ve got the experience to pull this off.
November is sometimes a month that can be full of forgettable movies. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are going to be forgettable movies in the next few weeks. It’s just that November 2010 has at least one Oscar contender and some blockbuster potential. That’s nice to see, but hopefully it doesn’t leave us with a wasteland of feature films to end the year.
Alright, I’ll step aside for Gregg’s actual previews now. Besides, he got some gum stuck in me and I should get rid of that.
Movember: The Burt Reynolds Express
Donate to that moustache!
(Editor’s note: Gregg is our Movember man. Mostly we’re letting him blog about it so we have creepy moustache pictures to creep on. Also, you should donate and stuff.)
By Gregg Beever
Amongst my friends I am often one of the loudest voices. I’ve got big, loud opinions that need to be heard. When it comes to my family, however, I am pretty quiet.
I was always shy as a kid, particularly at family events. Most of my cousins were quite a bit older than I, which played into my shy nature. To this day at family gatherings I tend to revert to my timid, 10-year-old self, shying away from conversation.
My uncle Ches manages to bring me out of my shell a little bit. He’s a very approachable guy, always smiling, always cracking jokes, and never fails to ask how you are doing. For someone who tightens up around family, it helps to have someone like Ches around to get me talking and feeling a bit more comfortable.
About a year ago Ches was diagnosed with colon cancer, and began a lengthy treatment process battling the invading disease. Ches is a dedicated family man, and it’s tough when bad things happen to good people.
Thankfully, my uncle is now cancer-free and recovering well. But cancer is a frightening illness that can instantly change the lives of entire families. I feel very fortunate to not have lost anyone close to me to the disease.
Of course, there are many who have not been as fortunate, which is why supporting the fight for a cure is so important.
Thus, my friends and I are doing our part by growing big, badass moustaches for Movember. (more…)
Beever at the sex show
By Gregg Beever
When I asked Jeff to send me to the The Taboo Naughty But Nice Show, I envisioned a press pass that would give me all access behind the scenes of Edmonton’s sex expo. Unfortunately, the halls at the Edmonton Expo Centre don’t really have a behind the scenes, unless you count the coat check or toilet stalls.
Determined to deliver the hard-hitting journalism readers of the edmontonian deserve, I snuck behind the mini-donut stand to deliver the following report. (more…)
Gregg vs. Sally: Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
Earlier this summer, our resident movie expert Gregg Beever took one for the team and accompanied me to a screening of Sex and the City 2, then exacted his revenge by dragging me to The Expendables.
This has somehow spiraled into the two of us regularly attending movies that most people probably don’t want to see, and acting all superior, as if we could’ve done a better job.
What follows is our review of the film Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, as conducted via Facebook Chat. (more…)
Speedy Beever
This van was introduced in 2009, to get people slowing down in school zones.
By Gregg Beever
Scona Road is a nice windy road I enjoy zipping down on my way to work each morning. Its perfect combination of curves and slope are as close as my Toyota Echo and I are ever going to get to rally racing, as we fly into the river valley at 80 clicks.
As much fun as it is to squeal down the road in my little red clown car, Scona is a trap. The speed limit is set at 50, a ridiculous pace for a two lane artery into the city centre, and is often peppered with photo radar.
Speed traps are a fact of driving in Edmonton, and if you enjoy breaking velocity limits as often as I do, then photo radar tickets are a hazard of the habit. I can accept that, and I’ll gladly pay for my indiscretions without argument.
What bothers me about photo radar in Edmonton is a powerful tool that could be used to improve public safety is instead placed in areas cherry-picked to maximize revenue. Scona Road, as I mentioned, is a fast strip of pavement with a deceptively low speed limit, a prime spot for a photo radar van to lie in wait behind the bushes.
There are plenty of other fantastic radar hideouts. (more…)
Scary Movies
Don't forget about the Edmonton International Film Festival. 1.5 more days of that left!
Hello, my lovelies. This month we have one film already receiving Oscar buzz, and not a whole lot else. Here. We. Go.
The Social Network – October 1st
Director: David Fincher
Writers: Aaron Sorkin, Ben Mezrich (book)
Cast: Jesse Eisenberg, Rooney Mara, Andrew Garfield
In his “new rules” segment last week, Bill Maher stated “nobody wants to see a movie about Facebook…if this is a hit, what’s next? Google the musical?”
I don’t really see Google as a musical, more of a suspense/thriller starring Clint Eastwood solving crimes on the internet.
“I’m feeling lucky, punk.”
Did the entire internet just groan?
Anyway, Maher is wrong. If the The Social Network was about Farmville and high-angle self portraits, than yes, nobody would want to see it. But the story of Mark Zuckerberg and his meteoric rise to billionairehood is packed with enough lies and deceit to fill a week’s worth of soap opera scripts. That’s the kind of melodrama 500 million Facebook users feed off of to sustain themselves.
Potential for Awesome?
You may remember director David Fincher from such pants-droppingly amazing films as Fight Club, Zodiac, The Game and Se7en. Fincher is paired with writer Aaron Sorkin, who some of us my know as the brilliant TV writer who’s projects (Sports Night, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip) are repeatedly and unjustly canceled.
With such a powerful duo steering the ship, it’s not hard to understand why, as of this writing, the The Social Network sits at 97% on Rotten Tomatoes. I had the fortune of catch the screener this week, Fincher does not disappoint.
The Social Network also co-stars Andrew Garfield, for those comic book geeks out there looking to get a glimpse of the next Spidey’s acting chops.
Let’s see what else we’ve got… (more…)
Piranha 3D
By Gregg Beever
Maybe it’s a little late to post a review on Piranha 3D, as it was released back on August 20th and has already fallen into the basement of box office rankings. However, the beauty of being bloggers is that we are accountable to no one. Well, I’m accountable to Jeff, but he let me call a 600-word sexual fluid gag a movie review, so I think it’s safe to say I can do whatever I want…except rip on See Magazine. (Editor’s note: He’s not going to let that go, is he?)
Piranha 3D knows what it is. And what it is is an effective 70’s throw-back horror film, replete with dodgy acting, convenient plot devices and an implausible monster; or in this case monsters.
Oh, and titties, lots and lots of titties. (more…)
