We got taken to Funkytown

I knew I was in good hands.

Warning: I will likely make so many jokes about being funky, or just use the term funky, that it will become annoying.

Picture it…Edmonton, 1982-ish…disco was dead, punk was a thing, and clubs didn’t know which way the wind was blowing just yet.

That was one of my first thoughts upon entering Funky Town, a new bar on Whyte Avenue, in the old “Attic” space above Savoy, at Calgary Trail.

When I first saw the re-branded bar, I didn’t know what to think. I expected it was going to be the same old club music but with this “Funky Town” name. A name that harkens to a different era, and of course that song.

We were going to go there, at first as a joke, since we’re old and look more like chaperones than people who would frequent such a place. But when Sally mentioned that it might actually be a bar that tried to evoke the disco era I was truly excited to go.

They certainly try to catch that vibe.

Self-explanatory.

You know you’re cool when you walk into a place as soon as it opens. The music’s pumping but the place is empty. Perfect for snapping photos of plastic hand chairs, disco balls, and reflective bubbles.

The guys running the place quickly changed over half of the four television sets from the Canucks game to some kind of awesome retro music channel. It was to be on these screens we’d watch videos of the songs we’d hear.

Stuff like “Love Shack,” “Addicted to Love,” “My Sharona,” and “Everybody Dance Now.”

Yes, that mix of music doesn’t quite make sense for a true Funkytown experience, but it was good enough. Plus, the DJ booth had a cover that looked like a giant ghetto blaster and that scores you points, in my books.

The drinks weren’t any cheaper than your average place, a vodka and a beer ran us $12. But sipping our cocktails in what appeared (or was made to appear like) some kind of reptile skin-covered seats made up for that. I think.

We left before the sky was dark, so I don’t know if they keep playing the retro tunes all night. The crowd was mostly under 30, with a few faces that would have been just that in the days of the music we heard.

I’d go back.

Of course we took along our discerning friend Gregg Beever. The guy’s got taste, and we needed someone with that to help get a clear idea of what Funky Town is all about.

I asked him for his thoughts on Edmonton’s hottest new club:

It sure is a bar on Whyte Avenue.

I dunno, I really didn’t get a retro vibe. Did you? A name like Funky Town suggests a sound track of 60′s and 70′s music to me, and most of what I heard was 80′s. Where were the Go-go dancers? The bell bottom jeans? The plush couches and chairs? The closest thing we got was a disco ball! Lame.

I was prepared to have my socks funked off.  It didn’t happen.

Won't you take me to Funkytown?

I’ll agree, there wasn’t a huge 70s vibe. You might be able to convince me of really late 70s, but the music takes you into the 80s and 90s and kind of throws it all off.

Sally says:

You guys are way too literal. Do you go to Supercuts expecting a trim from a dude in a cape? I think not! Case rested! Meeting adjourned!  You are the weakest link!(?)

The most important thing to remember is that if you like going dancing, or if you’re the type of person whose idea of a good time is an 80s or 90s night, you will flipping LOVE Funky Town.  The staff uniform is a tuxedo t-shirt. They have giant plastic hand chairs and faux-snakeskin booths.  I heard Young MC, Robert Palmer and Aerosmith all in under an hour.

As for the not “disco enough” complaint, let’s not forget that we are very, very, tragically old. What was “retro” when we were young is now probably considered “oldies.”  So our penchant for disco is trumped by the youngsters’ ironic love of music from the 90s (read: my actual CD collection).  And it also bears mentioning that we were there at 8:10 p.m., ten minutes after it opened. They weren’t going to blow their real dance gold on the only three douchebags who roll in immediately after opening and run around fondling the plastic hand chairs and taking pictures of everything with their cameraphones (this would be why all the pictures are completely devoid of other people).

I would go back, but probably only between 8 and 10 (because I hate people, loud music and dancing, pretty much making this the worst place for me to be).  I guess I ultimately choose to experience Funky Town as a loud, empty, ironically decorated pub.

Perhaps that’s a market they can tap…?

I give Funky Town 3 1/2 Cafe Mosaics of 5.

I'm in a bubble, surrounded by giant hands. And not even tripping on acid.

May 03, 2010 | Categories: Local Business | Tags: 70s, 80s, 90s, bars, disco, disco ball, funk, Funkytown, gregg beever, hand chair, jeff, sally, the next act, whyte ave | 7 Comments »