Are You Tired of Hearing People Complain About Snow?
So, I’m lucky enough to live next to an empty lot. I know that’s sort of a non-sequitur, but bear with me, I’m going somewhere with this.
Year-round, the lot is home to what I call “bunnies,” and Jeff calls Snowshoe Hare, but could be killer rabbits for all I know. There are nights when I’m completely bundled up, like crystals-forming-on-my-eyelashes, breathing-my-own-sweaty-scarf-breath, peripheral-vision-compromised-by-hood bundled up, and yet, through my snow blindness, I can make out the shape of a fat white rabbit sitting in the middle of the sidewalk outside my apartment building, staring at me like I owe him money. And suddenly, my blood-lust for old man winter just sort of dissipates as I chase after the bunny, Elmyra-style.
That is why I liked the video posted below. While it does not feature the tiny animals typically needed to capture my attention (though maybe you could consider doing that in your next one, Adam), it certainly did give me the kind of warm fuzzies I associate with a good bunny-spotting.
This is part of a poetic response assignment our new friend Adam (@theleanover on twitter) completed for a creative writing class. I found it on youtube while searching videos of Edmonton – specifically, videos where peoples’ cars were stuck in snow so I could make a cutting-edge “what’s the deal with snow removal” joke – and after watching this sweet little love letter to the City, I kind of feel ashamed of myself.*
*But not so ashamed that I won’t put a pin in the “what’s the deal with snow removal” joke for use another day.
News Specific to One Person: Derjis
In an ongoing effort to provide the best coverage possible to the niche-iest (not to be confused with nietzsch-iest) audience, we are proud to present the first installment of a new series: News Specific to One Person.
In this segment, we offer a news item that will of specific interest to one person and one person only, and which may appear cryptic or possibly inconsequential to everyone else. It’s not funny now, but when your turn comes, man alive, it’ll be a humdinger.
Today’s person is Derjis.
Derjis, you may be interested to know that Meals on Wheels Edmonton is currently running a contest, inviting Edmonton teens to submit their original soup recipes for the chance to win $100 and the chance to be their chef for a day. Entries will be accepted until April 30th; details can be found here.
At Last, An Outlet for our Collective Rage
Not to make everything about winter, but for the love of God, why won’t this end.
Anyway, you know what’s nice when it’s this horrible outside? Getting your snuggie, your hot cocoa, and all your friends together to make a short, occult-themed film featuring a crucifix and massive eye trauma. You know, a classic winter activity.
For realsies, though, if you’re an aspiring auteur, this contest looks pretty rad. Details, from the bureau of our pal Derek Clayton over at Dedfest:
We’re holding our first ever short film contest: DEDfest 6:66! We’re looking for sick but talented filmmakers to submit a short based on the themes of demonic possession, the occult, and satan worship! Be as gory and as funny as you want, as long as the film is no longer than 6 minutes and 66 seconds in length!
Here are the details:
ENTRY FEE • A mere $10 per team/film (cash only)
RULES • You must shoot and edit your entire film in the period from Friday, January 14, 2011 to Sunday, January 23, 2011. You MUST include the following prop and gore effect: a crucifix and eye trauma.
DEADLINE • Completed films are to be dropped off at the Lobby DVD Shop on Whyte (10815 Whyte Avenue) on SUNDAY, JANUARY 23 by 6:00 PM
FORMATS • Films must be submitted on a playable, non-looped DVD
SCREENING • Our panel of judges (me and Kevin) will pick our favourite two films and screen them before our presentation of DEMONS on January 27th. We will then let the audience decide, via applause, which film is the best! The winner will receive a prize pack courtesy of DEDfest and our sponsors.For more info: Derek@dedfest.com
OTHER NOTES ABOUT THE CONTEST
* The contest is open to all interested parties over the age of 18.
* You do not have to live in Edmonton to participate but you must have the film submitted by the deadline.
* No equipment will be provided to filmmakers.
* The event will be rated R with no admission for those under 18. The films submitted will be unrated.DEMONS plus Cheerbleeders! – THURSDAY, JANUARY 27th @ 9PM – Metro Cinema, 9828-101A avenue
The clock be ticking, folks, so get out there and start gauging! And if you submit something, be sure to let us know. There’s nothing Samsonow likes better than a good cross in the eye.
DOG VIDEO!
Before I begin, allow me to assure you that no, I am not a monster, and yes, I ABSOLUTELY realize that there are countless deserving animals currently awaiting adoption who do not cost $500 dollars (a current favorite of mine is Mr. Waggs, whose picture I often I often gaze longingly upon through the window of the Mill Creek Animal Hospital). But not for nothing, Mr. Waggs isn’t on youtube, and this little dude is.
My friend Sarah sent me this ad yesterday for a local French Bulldog puppy who is deaf and who needs a family. And because I am only human (If you give me internet access, will I not watch videos of animals falling asleep?), I seriously considered making him the edmontonian office dog, before Jeff intervened (I believe his exact words were “Only if you can teach him to do Headlines.”)
But no matter. Whether you are a dog person or not, I think we can all agree that none of us want to live in a world where a tiny, hard of hearing bulldog can’t become an Internet celebrity. So pass it on.
Welcome to the Beat Laboratory: A.O.K.’s Q Without U
[If you missed this caveat last time, the difference between this format and other music items we run is that you cannot solicit your way into the Beat Laboratory. I just pick things I think are great and tell you guys about them. Also - some of the people I mention here are friends of mine, or at the very least acquaintances. But I show no favouritism.]
In an age where the advent of digital technology is basically ruining everything that was pure and good about the world (you’re welcome, news!), it’s sometimes easy to overlook the fact that putting the means of digital production into the hands of basically anyone can create some innovative and remarkable projects.
This has a lot to do with how Edmonton rapper, authour and journalist Omar Mouallem (aka Assault of Knowledge, or A.O.K.) went about the unexpected task of releasing what he describes as an “art project“: more specifically, a children’s book (well, a sort-of children’s book) and new digital record on the same day. The combo went on sale last weekend at the Royal Bison Arts and Craft Fair, and Omar has, so far, done one release show, last week at Leva Cappuccino bar. The next one is tonight at 7 p.m., at Sherwood Park’s Cafe Haven. And it’s free – I know how you kids love the free.
I talked to Omar about his new project via email. (more…)
Carts and Couches
It certainly is a week of photo posts around here. Is it obvious that we’re cleaning off our phones and actually looking in all those folders of photos on our computers?
Here’s a post dedicated to two things I love to find in Edmonton; couches and shopping carts. (We’ve done couches before.)
It’s the best when you find them in really weird places. (more…)
Electioneering with the edmontonian: The Basics of City Hall
Before you cast your vote, Edmonton, I want you to take a long hard look at this:
This is a picture of me from junior high school. I think its relevance is clear.
Junior high school is the time when many of us were first taught about how City Hall operates. But junior high is also the time when many of us are preoccupied with discovering the world of being a teenager. I, myself, was preoccupied with things like “Does the boy I like like me back?” or “I wonder what will happen to Jason and Maria on the next episode of Northwood” or “I hope my mom buys me one of those sweet Generra Hypercolor shirts.” And of course, the obvious, “Am I pulling this look off?”
Somehow, with all of those thoughts rattling around my 13-year-old brain, I seem to have checked out of my Social Studies class; more than 15 years later, I’m kind of lost for any of the municipal government specifics. But what I do remember with great clarity is my Social Studies teacher from Ecole Secondaire Beaumont Composite High School (or ESBCHS), Monsieur Marc Halun.
M. Halun, or simply “Halun,” as many of the students called him, was revered by kids, because even as a tween, you could tell he knew his stuff and was really dedicated to teaching.
Now I know what you’re thinking. As a 30-year-old adult working for a blog, I should obviously bother a man I knew nearly two decades ago who must have nothing better to do than explain basic facets of democracy to me for the second time around because INTERNETS.
And that’s exactly what I did. (more…)
Electioneering with the edmontonian: Ward fever, Pt. 2
I know you’ve been on the edge of your seats waiting to see how this whole wards thing turns out, #yeg, so I won’t bore you with extraneous chit chat.
Here’s the last half of our wards cliffhanger; part one can be seen here.
Gregg vs. Sally: Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
Earlier this summer, our resident movie expert Gregg Beever took one for the team and accompanied me to a screening of Sex and the City 2, then exacted his revenge by dragging me to The Expendables.
This has somehow spiraled into the two of us regularly attending movies that most people probably don’t want to see, and acting all superior, as if we could’ve done a better job.
What follows is our review of the film Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, as conducted via Facebook Chat. (more…)
What, Edmonton? What.
Sally found one of the weirdest things to be found, just out on the street. There are a lot of questions we could be asking about this.
Electioneering with the edmontonian: Ward Fever Pt. 1
People be talking about politics, am I right?! And they be doing it a lot.
I cannot tell a lie* – politics bores me to tears. I get that this makes me a lout, but a few years of technical school and community college aside, I’m completely uneducated. I know that I SHOULD care about the mayor, city council, school boards, etc. And I try to care. But as soon as I endeavour to catch up on current affairs in the news, I quickly discover that there is this huge gap between what everyone else seems to THINK is “common knowledge” and what this commoner actually knows.
Which led me to wonder, “What would it take to get me to get interested?”
I have come to the conclusion, my little monkeys, that it would take someone explaining municipal politics to me as though I were a child, using the only framework I have to operate within: a monosyllabic vocabulary and a lot of pop culture references. And since Jeff has grown weary of me demanding he put everything in terms of old episodes of 30 Rock, I decided to do some research of my own.
So I give you part one of my two part video series on Edmonton’s new-for-2010 12-Ward System; watch for part 2 towards the end of the week. I hope you enjoy it.
*totally a lie
Mad Beatz
So a few days ago, I tore myself away from riding the INTERNETS long enough to venture out into society.
Anyway, I was wandering around the Whyte Avenue area, past the Old Strathcona Youth Society (which, in case you’re not familiar, describes itself as “a multi-agency project dedicated to being a street-level resource to youth in the Whyte Avenue area”), when I came upon an unexpected scene; a bunch of the young folks having a mid-afternoon drum circle. (more…)
I could call this post “VIDEOS OF MAKIN’ WHOOPEE,” but it would not accurately represent the content
You guys know we make no secret of the fact that we love Colin & Chad over at CJSR’s not-to-be-missed Tuesday morning show, Makin’ Whoopee.
But did you know (you probably knew) that we teamed up with Chad and Colin to create a series of web videos called “12 Months of Stephen Harper,” where they review a 2010 Conservative Party calendar that Colin lifted from a co-worker? We’ve been posting the videos every Tuesday for the last eleven weeks, and they feature nothing but the very best calendar humour the internet can buy (I don’t even know what that means).
So now, as the series finale draws nigh, we invite you to get all caught up on “12 Months of Stephen Harper,” Lost-style, before the thrilling conclusion is posted next week.
Crushed it!
Maybe it’s just because I came of age in the time of Tiffany, but man oh MAN, I do love entertainment in a food court. It doesn’t matter what it is, if you want to guarantee yourself an audience, just take your act to a raised platform in a mall, and you’ll get butts in the seats.
That’s my personal guarantee to you; 60% of the time, it works every time.
But that’s not to take anything away from this year’s newly announced squad of Crush dancers; I’m sure the ratio of ‘annoyed people trying to eat their Taco Bell in peace’ to ‘genuinely captivated audience’ was at an all time high. After all, who’s going to complain about a bevvy of beautiful ladies dancing up a storm next to a buffet of delicious fast food? Exactly nobody, that’s who.
Which brings me to the point in this post where I have to break Samsonow’s heart; you missed tryouts this year, buddy. Your dream of dancing before a cheering crowd is going to have to get put on ice for another year.
Or at least, dancing in front of a cheering crowd at a lacrosse game.
You can get a peek at this year’s lineup of ladies (that sounds way creepier than I meant it to) at the Crush website here, or you can just stick with watching the creepy perv video I took on my cellphone in the City Centre mall food court, posted above.
Featured Edmontonian: Doug Organ of Edmontone Studio
When it comes to interesting Edmonton-based careers, there are some things I just don’t expect to find here at home. And “studio owner/recording engineer” would be pretty high on my list, somewhere after “ice cream taster,” but before “super-villain”or “space cowboy.”
Doug Organ: NOT a space cowboy. NOT.
So imagine my surprise in meeting 29-year-old Doug Organ. He is neither super villain, nor space cowboy; rather, a well known local musician (you’ll likely recognize him a former member of The Wet Secrets, The Whitsundays, or from his namesake Doug Organ Trio) and the owner, operator, producer and engineer of Edmontone Studio. It’s a young recording facility that has, since its inception just three years ago, housed recording projects for Edmonton luminaries like Christian Hansen and the Autistics, Tim Gilbertson and of course our buddies, The Omega Theory.
Edmontone started off as a lot of smaller jobs for Doug, who would often record in makeshift studios, like rehearsal spaces, or his own home.
“Well. it’s not like I’d set up a band in the apartment,” he laughs. “[Artists would] come over to do the vocals…but every time we needed to do beds, the band’s money was going to someone else’s studios or renting a space.”
Doug soon realized he could be earning a better return on his (and his clients’) time and money if he had his own space to record in – so he found an investor and set to work, searching out the right spot. (more…)
Welcome to the Beat Laboratory: touchitandyouwillsayow
[If you missed this caveat last time, the difference between this format and other music items we run is that you cannot solicit your way into the Beat Laboratory. I just pick things I think are great and tell you guys about them.
Also - some of the people I mention here are friends of mine, or at the very least acquaintances (my own band recently played a show alongside the guys of touchitandyouwillsayow). But I show no favouritism.]
The first I learned of touchitandyouwillsayow was when I met band guitarist and vocalist Kelso Sorenson. At the time, he was sporting a smashingly-giant Gogol Bordello-style moustache, smoking a pipe and discussing science fiction. The whole scene was sort of bizzare-o cool – which is pretty much how I would describe the band. I knew I had to sit down with these guys for an interview. (more…)
Gregg vs. Sally: The Expendables
Earlier this summer, our resident movie expert Gregg Beever took one for the team and accompanied me to a screening of Sex and the City 2. He’s since been crouched in the shadows, waiting for the perfect movie that would allow him to exact his revenge on me.
Which is how I wound up at The Expendables last Saturday. What follows is our review of the film, as conducted via Facebook Chat.
Sally: okey doke. so. the expendables. this was my payback for making you endure sex and the city 2.
Gregg: It was basically the polar opposite of Sex and the City 2.
Sally: gender wise, i agree. in terms of being awful, i’d say they’re cut from the same cloth.
Gregg: Can’t argue that…although it was easier watching Expendables as my lust for explosions and needless gore were being pandered to.
Sally: i will say that steve austin was a triumph!
Gregg: If they handed out Oscars for best former wrestler to marginally handle four lines of dialogue, he would certainly get my vote.
Sally: ha ha, i wonder who else would be nominated in that category.
Gregg: Stallone, for having the balls run a bridge at age sixty. “Running” is probably not the term.
Sally: wobbling?
Gregg: Waddling briskly? Shuffling, maybe
Oh what a wonderful…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz………
Well, I am up and at zem bright early again this morning, continuing this week’s trial run of morning show webcasts.
I didn’t go into great (read: any) detail about this last time, probably because I was a no-sleep zombie, but the reason for this week’s Mon/Wed/Fri morning show broadcasts, as well as the episode of Saturday Night with Samsonow we did last month, is that we’re spending the summer months trying to test out the best (read: cheapest and easiest) ways to integrate regular webcasts into the normal swing of things around here. It’s all just another way to tell stories about Edmonton, folks!
Anyway, this morning me and the webcam will be sitting in awkward silence at the Starbucks on Jasper Ave and 101 St. (I think it’s 101 St., it’s the one by Quizno’s) the Second Cup at Milner Library between 7 and 9 a.m. If you have anything you’d like to talk about, come down and see me. I’ll be the one asleep on the table in front of a webcam.
Next Best Thing Headlines
This is about as Rudy as it gets, folks. It seems that the coach is putting me in the big game. The big news game. The big news headlines game.from the Edmonton Journal:
Edmonton’s Chateau Lacombe Sold
Ex-Edmonton Capitals manager sorry for gay slurs
Edmonton’s civic election gets a dry run
Edmonton Police find bomb in stolen car
Maximum Fighting steps into ring with Winspear
from the Edmonton Sun:
Seized drugs and weapons nothing to worry about: Expert
from 630CHED/iNews880:
from CBC Edmonton:
Milkshakes = Boys to your yard
Today. 2-4pm. Get yourself a free 
milkshake.
I’ve been meaning to write about the fun milkshake machines at my local Mac’s (and possibly the one by your house too), and now I’ve got my reason.
Mac’s is giving away free milkshakes this afternoon. Go get one.
They also have smoothies, I think. I can’t say for sure because I love my fatty chocolate milkshakes.
(Ignore the fact that the Mac’s looks like a 7-11 in that Google Maps link.)
Update: Sally has sent in a photo from the milkshake front lines:
People love their free milkshakes.
A Taste of Lunch
Yes, we finally made our way down to Churchill Square for the 
2010 version of A Taste of Edmonton.
Thanks to Mari and Ryan for recommendations.
The pupusa from El Rancho and dry spicy chicken from Lingnan were great.
Sally went for the pineapple sunset chicken from Blue Willow, and calabrese potatoes with aioli from Zuccharo Cappuccino Bar. Both of those were also good choices.
We got out of there just about noon, so it was getting really busy with the downtown working crowd making their way to the square for lunch.
Our lunch for two was about $20 (with drinks). Thanks, Taste of Edmonton!
(Hover your mouse over the photos to find out which food is which.)
EAVB_QFREJPBMST
EAVB_QFREJPBMST
Soooo, apparently, some of you superfans saw my jibba jabba this morning. Sorry about that!
For those of you who didn’t recognize what it was, it’s an embed code for social networking site Empire Avenue, which I have finally signed up for. Because I am always on the cutting edge. The cutting edge of people who pick up things like 4 years after everyone else.
Anyway, this was the embed code I had to include, in order to get credit for my contributions here at the edmontonian (because I’m really only in it for the glory).
If you’re not yet on EA, today is the day that they’ve finally opened their doors to everybody, so you no longer need an invite! Sign up and buy stock in me – SALLY – (I promise I’ll return the favour once I figure it all out.)
Tasty
Fitting, that after talking about the Samsonowich, we’re going to choose A Taste of Edmonton for our event selection today.
I already feel full just talking about all of this food.
Yes, A Taste of Edmonton has 40 restaurants ready to serve a pair of their menu offerings. For $10-20 you’ll probably get a nice selection of items from a couple of your favourites, or some new winners.
If you’re not heading down during your work day (or perhaps, even if you are) they’ve also got a nice selection of beer and wine to try.
I haven’t been down this summer, yet, so let me know what I should be eating, and what I shouldn’t waste precious food tickets on.
Sally is likely just going to use all of her tickets on deep-fried Mars bars.
Aftermath – Bad Movie Challenge #1: Battlefield Earth
Alright, we’re not quite sure why but, we want you to tell us your worst Battlefield Earth story.
Maybe this movie ruined your night, your date, your life. Let’s talk about how terrible it is.
We’re not going to be fair and balanced about this. Battlefield Earth is too long, too boring, too dumb to even try and defend.
I watched it, a few weeks back, with Sally and Gregg Beever. After trying to use witchcraft to get my two-and-a-half hours back, I gave up and talked about it with them.
I think talking about it helps.
Here are 10 things we learned by watching this masterpiece of crap:
10) Everything in the future is on a 45 degree angle (Sally)
9) No matter where you are in the universe, or how powerful your species may be, bureaucracy and middle management can always sink your ship. (Jeff)
8) Training a neanderthal to pilot an F-15 fighter jet takes no more than two hours in a flight simulator. (Gregg)
7) When designing costumes for movie, the best way to convey the superiority of one character over another is by giving them a comically oversized codpiece. (S)
6) Even the most talented of actors, in this case John Travolta and Forest Whitaker, cannot save clunky, ham-handed dialogue written by an eight-year-old with a learning disability. (G)
5) Humans will retain a lot of things, such as cliches and metaphors, but basic geometry will not survive in a post-apocalyptic world. (J)
4) Baby Psychlos really love their Kerbango. (S)
3) In the forthcoming battle for Earth, language skills and vocabulary mean nothing. There’s just going to be a super computer that can inject your mind with knowledge in a matter of moments. We’ll call it “The Learning Machine.” (S)
2) The City of Denver will eventually play a surpringly large role in saving mankind. (S)
1) Battlefield Earth’s legacy is a monumental achievement in filmmaking: despite a horrendous script and a witless director, somehow a film crew can still manage to do the job. No one walked out on the film! The actors, set designers, lighting crews and caterers all stuck with it, even when it was clear they were working on an enormous piece of garbage. (G)
OK. Now it’s your turn to share.
